


Saving Alec

by RhaenaTargaryen



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Cutting, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29815386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhaenaTargaryen/pseuds/RhaenaTargaryen
Summary: Alec is a bullied junior in high school, desperate to end his life.  Magnus is a senior, one of the most popular boys in school, and oblivious to Alec's pain.  A chance encounter sends the two of them on a journey of love, pain, heartbreak, and loss.  Will Magnus save Alec?  {Re-written story and an AU fic, no shadowhunters}.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 24
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> About six years ago I wrote this story on FFN. I read it a month ago and decided to re-write it on here since I believe I've grown a lot as a writer and thought I'd make the story a little bit better. I'll leave the original on FFN and write this version on here. 
> 
> This story is jam packed full of suicidal thoughts, actions, bullying, character death. It was very difficult for me to write sometimes a few years back and I imagine it will be again. I can not warn you enough that this is a very dark fic, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know this series or these characters, if I did there would be way more Malec goodness and not much of anything else. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter include suicidal thoughts and some language. 
> 
> I listened to the song Saving Me by Nickleback while I write this first chapter.

Alec lounged in the back seat of the car his parents got for him, Isabelle, and Jace to share between them. They were on their way to a party, the last bonfire party at the beach before it got too cold. Jace was driving, taking every turn too sharp, and nodding along to the music that was blasting from the stereo. Izzy sat next to him, fingers flying across her phone as she sends her boyfriend a million texts. 

Jace hits a bump that jostles Alec and he smacks the back of Jace’s seat, “are you trying to kill us? We’d like to get to the party alive, slow it down.” 

Taking his eyes off the road, Jace glances back at Alec and gives him a cocky grin. “Yes, mom.” 

Narrowing his eyes, Alec points towards front of the car. “Eyes. Front. Now.” 

Without seeing her, Alec knows that Isabelle is grinning. She knew that he was always protective of her and Jace, that he always would be. Not that ‘always’ was going to last very much longer. But until his last breath, he would protect them. He pushes his finger through the strap of his book-bag, testing the weight of what’s inside. His phone dings. 

Tearing his eyes away from the bag, he glances down at his phone. His best friend, Allie, had sent him a text wishing that she could go to the party too, but her parents wouldn’t let her. He was secretly glad that she couldn’t go, it would only make it that much harder. He could get away from Jace and Iz for awhile, but Allie? No. 

He hovers his fingers over the keyboard, willing himself to say the words he desperately wants to say. To tell her how he is feeling, that he needs help. Instead he types out three little words. ‘I’ll miss you’. It is enough, and not, at the same time. Right now she will be thinking that he’ll miss her at the party, and at a normal party he would be. In a few days though, she’ll know that he will miss her for another reason. 

Alec once more glances at his book-bag. He had filled it earlier with his heaviest books. Even though the early October air was starting to get cooler, he was still hot in his heaviest jacket and boots. He intended to slip his book-bag on his back, and step out into the lake. His boots would make it harder for him to kick, his jacket would make it difficult for his arms to flail around, and most importantly, his bag would hopefully be heavy enough to keep him from fighting to get to the surface for air. 

He knew that once he got into the water and the liquid started to fill his lungs that his body would instinctively try to safety. So, despite his brain wanting this, his body was going to betray him. He wouldn’t let it happen. 

When he did the research he realized that there was something romantic about drowning. A pocket full of stones. In his case, a bag full of heavy ass books. 

Alec’s phone dings again but he ignores it, if he looks at it, if he reads what Allie has to say, it might draw him back into the world. Isabelle looks over her shoulder at him. “Is that Allie again? You sure are popular tonight.” 

Jace chuckles. “Just ask her out dude. It’s about damn time.” Isabelle smacks him on the shoulder but doesn’t say anything. 

Isabelle knew that Alec was gay, somehow she always knew. Apparently Jace was oblivious to it despite the fact that Alec had a crush on him almost since they met when Jace was adopted by their parents ten years ago. Their parents, their brother Max, no one knew but Izzy and Allie. 

“She’s not into me like that Jace, you know that.” That wasn’t entirely true. Last year he met Allie at a football game that Jace and Izzy had dragged him to. Her parents made her go to it as well since her school was the away team. Two months later she kissed him and though he desperately wanted to feel a spark, he didn’t. He awkwardly told her he was sorry, and that he thought he was gay. She smiled a sad smile, and said she knew, she just wanted to kiss him one time. 

After today, I’ll never see her again. I’ll never be hit again. I’ll never…

“We’re here!” Jace whooped and threw up both hands before he turned off the car. “Fuck, that took forever.” 

Isabelle shoots him a look. “It took an hour, dumbass. And besides, it’s worth it.” She pushes open her door and doesn’t look back at them once as she hurls herself into her boyfriend’s arms, Simon. 

Jace opens his door slowly and climbs out before looking at Alec, still lounged in the backseat. “Try to have some fun, okay? If anyone picks on you here, you come get me and I’ll kick some ass.” 

Alec nods and watches as Jace shuts the door and heads off to a group of his friends. There’s roughly thirty cars here, several roaring fires, and a huge crowd of people. Shaking his head, he gets out of the car, shuts the door, and walks down the beach away from all of his classmates. It’s dark, and if he gets far enough away no one will be able to see him when he goes into the water. Maybe they’d find his body tonight, floating face down in the water. Or maybe it would be found in the morning. But what everyone would know is that he committed suicide. 

Alec Gideon Lightwood, son of Robert and Maryse Lightwood, committed suicide. 

But he felt a need to do it here. Just feet from the guys that shoved him into lockers, beat him until his skin was purple and blue. From the girls who whispered that he was emo, with his holey clothes and black hair that was almost constantly in his eyes. Even his own brother and sister couldn’t wait to get out of the car and away from him when they got here. No, that’s not fair, Jace and Izzy love him. 

He takes a deep breath and rises from the crouch he didn’t realize he had let himself fall into. The bag is heavy as he slings it across his shoulder, the dictionary digs in the middle of his back, as if threatening to sever his spine. His breath deepens as he pulls his phone from his pocket, texting three people quickly before turning it off for good. 

The texts had been difficult to send. The first, to Izzy, telling her not to let Jace drive drunk and to get a ride from Simon if need be. The second, to Jace, telling him that he was not to, under any circumstances, drive drunk. The last went to Allie, telling her he loved her. Fuck, he should have said that to Izzy and Jace as well, but he knew that they’d be alarmed and come look for him. 

Alec couldn’t let that happen. It couldn’t be one of them who found him, he’d never forgive himself. Hopefully they realize that he did love them, he just couldn’t do it anymore. 

Alec takes a step into the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the kudos and comments! They are always very appreciated, here's chapter 2. Warnings for this chapter include some language and bullying. 
> 
> I listened to Try by Pink while writing this chapter.

As Magnus drives, Camille chatters on and on about Homecoming the week before. She was a cheerleader and dragged him to the game before forcing him to go to the dance as well. He always hated the school dances, he could never dance the way he wanted. One prude of a teacher actually used a tape measure to make sure that he was an ‘appropriate’ distance away from the person he was dancing with. He’s a teenager, what he wanted was to jump and dance and grind and have fun, what he got was lame music and the prude. 

The only thing that made the dance redeemable was that he had a flask full of a nice whiskey in his pocket. 

“Magnus, what are you thinking about darling?” He takes his eyes off of the road and looks at her. “You’ve ignored everything I’ve said.” She pouts as him, something that once would have made him weak in the knees. Now it just annoyed him. 

“Nothing.” He looks back at the road as they cruise along in his blue Rolls Royce. His parents had fought ferociously about getting him this car. His mom, always practical, wanted to get him something cheap and safe. She feared that he would crash the car. His father wanted him to show off how well their family was doing. He didn’t care, he loved the car. 

Magnus grips the wheel as his mind flashes over his fathers face. He wished he could scrub that bastard from his memory, he wished he could never think about him again. But now, now he needed to think about the party. It was starting to get cold but someone thought it would be a good idea to have a party outdoors. He had a feeling that he would never leave the comfort of the bonfire once he got there. He clears his throat. 

“Who’s all going to be there, Camille?” He hoped that there wouldn’t be many people. It was pretty cold and he didn’t want to stay long despite his love for a good party. 

Camille pulls out her phone and scrolls through it. “Most of the seniors, some juniors. One sophomore that I know of. Jace Wayland is bringing Isabelle Lightwood. I know that she’s a sophomore but she’s really cool.” 

Jace Wayland. He didn’t really like him much, Jace was quite an arrogant kid. He’s on the football team and half the girls in the school followed him around like little puppy dogs. Isabelle, though arrogant as well, was pretty cool. She’s gorgeous, whip smart, and popular. He liked her. 

Camille groans and throws her head back against the headrest. “Isabelle just texted me, I guess they’re bringing Alec.” 

Magnus smiles but doesn’t say anything. He understood why she was groaning. Alexander Lightwood is Jace and Isabelle’s older brother. A senior, like him and Camille. Alexander is the nerdy, emo boy that everyone avoided. Magnus had to admit, the kid was cute with his black hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He was tall, only a few inches shorter than Magnus himself, but he was kind of skinny in his overlarge black hoodies. Not to mention the well worn hoodies always had holes in them, making him look like a homeless person and not the son of a CEO and a DA. 

When he first got to the city he tried to stop his new friends from picking on the kid but they wouldn’t. What made it worse was that Alexander didn’t seem to have any desire to fight back against the bullies. Eventually Magnus stopped trying to help him, maybe that made him look bad but he had other things to think about at the time. 

Camille’s phone dings again. “What are you thinking about Magnus? You’re awfully quiet.” 

Clearing his throat again, Magnus grimaces. “I’m thinking about Alec.” 

Camille shoots him a disgusted look. “Don’t think about that freak.” Magnus narrows his eyes, this is one reason he questions their friendship. “Turn right and we’ll be there.” 

He obeys her and turns right onto a gravely road. He is disgusted when he sees dozens of cars in the parking lot near the beach. Apparently his wish for only a few people was not granted. Before he even puts the car in park Camille unbuckles her seat belt and rushes out of the car. “Come on Maggy, let’s go find Ragnor.” 

Slowly he gets out of the car and locks it with the key fob. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, normally he loves parties! The more parties the better. But tonight, not so much. Maybe Ragnor would take Camille home so that he could leave early. Magnus is distracted from his thoughts when a car pulls up just a few spaces from his own. 

A black haired beauty jumps out and races into a brown haired boys arms. Isabelle and… Simon, the little mouse. Next the blonde haired, golden eyed Jace climbs out all swagger. Suddenly three girls bombard Jace and drag him off to a fire. Finally… Alec. Black hair, black leather jacket, black jeans with awful holes in the knees, black boots. All that black, it should be illegal. Magnus glances down at his rainbow pants and velvety purple jacket. He’d die if he had to wear that much black. 

Wait, is Alec carrying a book bag? Camille might be onto something, Alec is a nerd. Who brings a bag full of homework to a party? 

Magnus watches, entranced, as Alec edges away from the party and down to the water. It’s really getting dark and soon he can’t see him. How in the hell Alec plans on doing homework in the dark is beyond him, who knows. Trying to get Alec out of his mind, he walks over to Camille and Ragnor. They argue back and forth about some kind of band but he ignores them, dancing lazily to the music. 

At the fire next to theirs he can hear an angry voice, Isabelle Lightwood. “Simon, Alec is leaving. He wants you to drive me and Jace home. The dumbass is probably walking home.” 

He’s walking home?! That’s insane. We’re at least fifteen miles from where he lives if not further. He’s got a jacket but it’s not much, it’s far too cold for him to walk in this weather. Magnus sighs, he’ll give the guy a ride. He was looking for an excuse to leave. “Camille, I’m going to give Alec a ride home.” She throws him another disgusted look but he ignores her and heads in the direction Alec had walked before. 

As he gets farther from the fires he can hear laughter ahead of him, it’s hard to see but he can tell there are four people standing in the water. Alec and... Marcus, Jesse, and Caleb, three friends of Camille’s. Friends that are notoriously bad about bullying kids like Alec. Magnus picks up his pace, for fucks sake they couldn’t leave him alone at a party? Today’s supposed to be about having fun, not this. 

Magnus is just a few feet from Marcus when Caleb knocks down into the water and Marcus’s leg kicks out and hits him in the ribs. Surging forward, Magnus grabs Marcus by the shoulder and spins him around so fast he almost falls. Marcus’s eyes instantly widen. “Magnus he… he… he wasn’t invited. We were teaching him a lesson, that’s all.” Caleb and Jesse nod vigorously, afraid to speak. 

Magnus’s eyes narrow. “Three on one? Just because he came to a party? The next time you touch him you will answer to me, this is your last warning. Make sure everyone knows that I will not put up it anymore, no one touches him, no one bullies him, no one talks down to him. Are we clear?” 

All three of them nod before hauling ass back up to the fires. Magnus hesitates for just a second before holding his hand out to Alec and pulls him up. Fuck, why is he so heavy? He’s so skinny. The bag? Oh well. “I’ll make them leave you alone from now on, Blue Eyes. I promise.” 

Alec’s eyes flash angrily. “I can fight my own battles!” 

Magnus raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure? They were about to kick your ass and you were just going to take it.” He regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth, he was being cruel. He just wanted the kid to toughen up, to fight back! But Alec doesn’t say anything, he just nods and looks down. 

Sighing, Magnus takes Alec by the arm and steers him in the direction of the car. “Come on, Blue Eyes, I’m taking you home.” Alec’s arm shakes in his grip, the poor guy must be freezing. “It’ll be warm in my car, I promise.” His voice is gentle, soothing, one he doesn’t use with many people. Or… anyone. Anymore. 

He doesn’t allow himself to be soft around anyone, not after what he’s seen, what he’s done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter include some language, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and suicidal actions. 
> 
> I listened to My Name (Wearing Me Out) by Shinedown while writing this chapter.

Alec had never felt so angry in his life. He was finally going to be free, he was finally going to end his life. He had planned the night so meticulously for months and it was all for nothing. And it was all because of Marcus and his jackass friends. 

Then, of course, there was Magnus fucking Bane. 

That might have been the most surprising part of the night. When Magnus moved to their school the year before he tried to defend Alec from the bullies until one day he stopped. Now whenever they cross eyes at school Magnus nods or smiles but it doesn’t go further then that, they never talk. It isn’t that Alec doesn’t appreciate what Magnus did for him last year or what happened tonight, it’s just that Magnus is wasting his time trying to save someone who isn’t worth saving. 

Alec looks around the interior of the Rolls Royce. His parents would never buy a car this nice for Jace, Izzy, or him. They probably assume that they would crash the car, especially Jace with his head banging or Isabelle with her almost dangerous obsession with her phone. He shivers again, feeling chilled even in the warm car.

Magnus reaches forward and turns the knob on the heater to the highest setting before turning it towards Alec. Suddenly, Alec feels an emotion he hasn’t felt in a long time, cherished. But he quickly banishes that though, Magnus doesn’t cherish him, he just doesn’t want him to freeze to death in his car. 

Every few seconds Magnus takes his eyes off of the road to glance at Alec but Alec refuses to look back. Instead, he runs his fingers along his ribs where one of those assholes had kicked him. He knew that his skin was going to bruise and that irritated him for some reason. It’s not like there aren’t other marks on his body. 

Of course, maybe Alec should talk to Magnus. When Magnus helped him up from the ground his eyes had been on the book-bag. Maybe he put two and two together, maybe they were going to the police or the hospital and not to his house! No, they weren’t going in that direction and what could Magnus possibly have gleaned? That Alec is a nerd with a lot of books? 

Magnus turns left and glances over at Alec again. “It won’t be more than five or six minutes until you’re home. I bet you can’t wait to get out of those wet clothes, I would be dying to put on some nice, fuzzy jammies right about now.” 

Resisting the urge to snort, Alec raises his eyebrow. “Fuzzy jammies? No, thank you. I-I uh, thank you. For driving me home, you didn’t have to do that you know.”

Magnus smiles, Alec notices that the skin around his eyes crinkle. “Yes! I love fuzzy jammies. And you don’t have to thank me, my friends were assaulting you. Technically you could go to the police if you wanted to.” Alec shakes his head vigorously. “That’s what I thought, by the way, what were you doing in the water anyways?”

Alec’s face starts to turn red, what to do, what to do… “I wasn’t planing on going out that far, I was just thinking and lost track of what I was doing.” 

Looking at Magnus from the corner of his eye, Alec and see that his eyebrows are raised and that he doesn’t believe him. But he doesn’t say anything either, Alec is secretly grateful for that but also terrified that Magnus has figured out what Alec was doing. If Magnus goes to the police or his parents then it would be all over for him. He would never get what he wants. 

The car turns onto Alec’s street and into the driveway. Magnus puts the car in park and Alec grabs for the door handle, not quite ready to go back out into the cold. “Thanks Magnus.” 

But before Alec can push open the door Magnus grabs a hold of his hand and pulls him back a little bit. Nervous, Alec turns back to look into Magnus’s golden green colored eyes. Magnus has always looked so calm, cool, collected, but right now he looks anything but while chewing on his lower lip. 

“Hey Alec, are you sure you’re okay? I know that we never talk but I want you to know that I’m always here if you want to. And I promise I will make everyone stop treating you the way they do, I bet Jace and Isabelle can help with that.” 

Alec smiles, sending up a prayer that it doesn’t look fake. “I’m fine, thank you again.” When he grabs the door again Magnus doesn’t stop him and Alec climbs out of the car. Before he shuts the door however, Magnus calls out his name again. “Yeah?”

Magnus smirks. “I’ll see you Monday, Blue Eyes.” 

Alec’s cheeks darken again before he slams the door shut without responding. He makes his way quickly up to the doorway and his fingers shake as he inserts the key in the door. No, no Magnus, you won’t see Blue Eyes at school on Monday. Instead you will find out something else. 

Alec stops in the doorway and listens carefully but can’t hear his parents or Max, obviously Iz and Jace are still at the party. He hauls himself up the stairs as fast as he can with his ribs still hurt. As soon as he gets into his room he shuts the door quietly and throws his book-bag onto the bed, his jacket soon follows. 

Breathing heavily, Alec picks the pocket knife off of the bedside table and slides out the blade. Not even thinking twice, he slides the blade across his left wrist while moaning loudly. Much too loud, he needs to be quiet in case his parents or Max hear. Slowly, he falls onto his bed and watches as the beautiful crimson drops spill onto his blue sheets. 

‘Blue Eyes’. 

The blade slowly slides across the wrist a second time, almost as if of it’s own accord. Magnus saved him from some bullies, just wait until Monday when he realizes that he hadn’t actually saved him at all. No, Alec would save himself. 

He wants to be free.

Alec would be free.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter except some language. 
> 
> I listened to Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid while writing this chapter.

Magnus couldn’t help but think about those blue eyes as he fits the key into his door. He couldn’t understand it, he’d seen Alec’s eyes before, hundreds of times at school. But tonight it was different, tonight those eyes were full of anger and pain. A quiet defiance. 

Usually, Alec always looked so sad. In the hallways he would look down at the ground as he walked, he never met anyone’s eyes. If Magnus felt the way that Alec felt he very well may have burst into angry tears every day. Of course, it’s not like Magnus really cares about Alec that much. 

Does he? 

Magnus groans and presses his forehead against the door. Alexander is one of those people that everyone tries hard to avoid. He’s so shy, he barely speaks. He only talks to teachers and some people think he’s stuck up for that. It’s understandable, Jace and Isabelle are both stuck up and arrogant in their own ways, why wouldn’t Alec also be the same in his own way?

No, that’s not fair. If anyone could be called arrogant and stuck up it’s not Alec, it’s Magnus. He looks around at all of his things, fancy paintings on the walls, white marble, the Rolls Royce in the driveway. His life is full of rich and fancy things, but not much else. A dead mother, a dead to him father. 

Nothing. 

The house is quiet. Dead. Usually he has parties just to try to liven it up some. When his mother was alive, during happier times, she would fill the place with songs and dancing and love. No matter how loud his parties got, no matter what he did, he could never fill it with the joy that she had. 

Suddenly, a streak of fur rushes into the hallway and Magnus stoops down to pick up the calico. “Chairman Meow! Oh, I missed you too!” 

The two of them nuzzle their faces against each other for perhaps too long to be considered normal. Honestly, the cat might be the only thing keeping Magnus sane at this point in his life. The Chairman nose boops Magnus.

“You hungry?” The cat answers in a pitiful meow. “Alright then, let’s go.”

The Chairman jumps down and dashes for the kitchen and Magnus follows at a slower pace. Chairman paces around the bowl, meowing incessantly as Magnus gets the food ready. The cat finally stops crying at him as Magnus places the bowl on the floor and he starts eating as if he hadn’t had food in months. 

Magnus watches Chairman eat ravenously as he thinks about the party. Alec was so cold in the car, and not just physically. It had been so tempting to turn the car around and go back to the party. Marcus, Jesse, Caleb. He wanted desperately to kick their asses. But after all the legal trouble he went through after his mother died he knew it would be a bad idea to beat them up. Still, a few nights in jail might have been worth it, just for Alec. 

Something was wrong with Alec, much more so than usual. He could see it, he didn’t understand how the others couldn’t. Or maybe they did, and they just wanted to kick a wounded dog when he was already down. He knew that he’d be having a few words with them on Monday. He was tired of being silent in the face of another persons suffering, even if it got him into trouble he would put a stop to Alec’s treatment, permanently. 

Magnus slowly makes his way up the stairs, taking off his jacket, shirt, and pants as he goes. As soon as he gets into his room he flops onto the bed and the Chairman isn’t far behind. The purr machine instantly starts up as soon as he climbs onto Magnus. 

The thing that bothered him, though, was that Alec was acting like Magnus wasn’t doing him a favor. As if Alec desired the opposite of what Magnus did, almost. He could have walked home, in the cold, while freezing wet. It’s almost as if the kid has a death wish. 

His cell dings and he reaches for it, considering just turning it off. He doesn’t really feel like talking to Camille or Ragnor right now, or anyone for that matter. Knowing the uproar that would have he glances at a text from Camille saying that Isabelle is worried about Alec. Apparently he’s not answering his phone. 

Magnus raises his eyebrow. It’s not like the phone was damaged in the water, he didn’t think. On the ride home Alec glanced at it a few times and it seemed to work fine to him. Maybe he’s just ignoring Isabelle, he wouldn’t be the first person to ignore an annoying sibling. 

The phone dings again and Magnus quickly sends a text back saying that Alec is safe and fine at home. He glances at the clock and is surprised to see that it’s only eleven. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt tired this early. What is going on with him? 

He could still feel Alec’s arm tense as he guided him to the car. And then, for some reason, Magnus had grabbed Alec’s hand in the car. Alec’s breath hitched as soon as they looked each other in the eyes, those tortured, ocean filled depths. For some reason, that made him think that Alec allowed him a glimpse into his soul that he hadn’t allowed anyone else to see. Just him. 

Breathing harder, Magnus drags his hands down his face. He’s being dramatic, like always. Alec is fine, maybe he had a fight with Isabelle or Jace. Maybe he had a fight with his parents. Maybe he failed a class, ha! Anything could be wrong, Magnus is just misreading the situation. 

Alec doesn’t have a tortured soul, he’s fine. He’s fine, fine, fine. 

But what was with that fake smile when they said goodbye? Magnus shakes his head roughly, dislodging Chairman Meow who gives him a perfect bitch face before jumping to the floor, tail raised in anger. Seriously, Magnus needs to stop thinking about Alec, lest his cat murder him. 

Magnus shakes his head again. He just couldn’t let it go though. He would find out what is going on with Alec, no matter what it was. And he would teach him that there are things to smile about in this world. In his world.


End file.
